The Unimportance Of Being Earnest And In High School

The last four days I have been spending time with my friend E, with whom I went to high school.  So of course because I basically hadn’t seen her since we graduated, we talked about high school and the whereabouts of our old acquaintances and naturally, gossip.  E was one of those fabulous young ladies who seemed to have some mysterious outside life from the known world of high school and she would waft in and out of class and friend circles as she pleased.  She was never really attached to anyone and was constantly talking about how in the end, high school really doesn’t matter and that everyone should get over themselves.  Being the sensitive person I was, I knew this was true, nevertheless, always felt that small desperate tinge of the true high school experience. 

Now, as a 20 something, I look back at the moments that left my stomach in knots and think how silly I was and remember her words.  I’m still left with the weird feeling of remembering things like being called a whore by a fellow student when in actuality, I was still a virgin, and her v-card had not only been punched, but bragged about all over school by her boyfriend.  I also think about the fact that she has to live with having been that girl and how I much rather have had the experience of being called the names then ever being the one to call them out.  It left me with a sad feeling of how awful it must be to be that confused, jealous person and either having to work through it or stay ignorant of the experience throughout the rest of one’s adult life.  They say that our teenage years are filled with the most information we will ever be able to sponge up for the rest of our lives.  That every second in time, another synapse snaps and crackles with information making connection after connection.  And although I feel like it was the least important time in my life and the most important time has yet to arrive, I can’t help but think about how much my personality has really altered. 

My location has changed and even much of my physical appearance, I don’t really have friends from that era of my life, nor do I speak to anyone on a regular basis.  I see their facebook statuses from time to time, but E’s visit was the first time in a while that I had revisited what I guess are supposed to be considered “the good ol’ days” but what I feel was a chore I had to check off the list in order to get on with my life.  How much can one really change if one doesn’t even feel like an experience was even that significant?  In truth, I generally use those days as a marker, and find myself frequently citing how tired I am of someone trying to involve me in high school-esque drama, which I already accomplished successfully escaping many years ago.  I don’t feel like I have changed since high school, but become more of myself.  The insecurities once felt have faded and my ability to reason with uncomfortable situations has improved.  When I was in high school it seemed like I would forever be stuck, surrounded by unpleasant relationships, and now I know I have the choice that if something isn’t working, relationship or otherwise, I have the option to just say no, and leave. 

What high school did give me is that connection with every other person who experienced it and didn’t quite blend into the woodwork.  I now know how unimportant high school was to my career and even to a certain extent, my personality.  In addition, even though it was a bumpy road, I wouldn’t change anything if I could.  The young woman I was then handled herself as well as she could and has evolved into the person I am now, and even though it may have not been the most perfect of situations, it was an adventure nonetheless.