Since I have become a 20-something dating seems to have become a larger issue. However, this does not mean that I am dating more, it actually means I seem to be dating less. This is because of a thing called standards. Though I don't like the word standard because it's not that these fellows aren't good enough for someone; it's that they don't meet a couple of requirements I have of people in general and specifically for people that I date.
1) You haven't actually asked me on a date yet: You friended me on Facebook, called me a couple of times "to chat," asked me to meet you for drinks, asked me out to a last minute movie, and invited me to Chinese food with your friends, but you haven't actually asked me on a date yet, which is why I have very politely declined. If you just want to be friends, all these things are extremely appropriate, but if you're actually trying to get somewhere with me, you're going to have to ask me out. I'm a lady, I dress up in skirts and dresses and wear makeup, I want to be taken out, I want you to pay, and I want you to ask me thoughtful questions so I can do what I love, talk about myself. So- don't invite me out last minute. I will be busy and I know you want to feel like "it was just last minute" and you weren't really turned down but you're a man and you should know you've got to put that ego on the line ten times to get one date. Also, don't tell me "to keep you in mind" because I won't and I won't be asking you out. I want a real one-on-one situation, whether it be a dinner, a picnic, a hike, or an outing somewhere, I need it to be thoughtful, about me, and I don't want to make any effort.
2) You said something inappropriate: I know men think about sex all the time. Women think about sex too, you don't have that market completely cornered, but somehow I'm able to control the words that come out of my mouth (something that happens to be difficult for me), especially when initially meeting someone. Therefore, if you hinted at sex, asked me to take a bath with you, or told me that you were going to stab me (and not with a knife) I'm not going to date you. This also goes for inappropriate comments and questions. Think of yourself as the media, post Janet Jackson costume failure, and give yourself a five second delay to think about what you are going to say. It even rhymes so you can remember: five second delay, think about what I say.
3) You touched me inappropriately: I sometimes have trouble with the personal space issue. Especially after cocktail number two, even so, I generally tend to stand too closely to people when I speak (a factor of having a Cuban father who has no issues with personal space invasion). Nevertheless, if you grab my ass, grope my leg, or graze my breast, you are out of the running. In addition, no is no. I don't care if you're just trying to put your arm around me. If I remove your arm, shift away, or tell you to stop, then you do just that, and make sure to apologize profusely for making me uncomfortable. You might think that you are God's gift to women but please do me a favor and keep your "gift" in your pants and your hands to yourself.
4) You cursed, a lot, or in a manner I found distasteful: I have been known to describe myself as a fair maiden with a foul mouth but I keep it under wraps around new people. I generally expect this from others. So if every other word in your vocabulary contains four letters and starts with s, f, or c, count me out. In addition, when describing people, even jokingly, especially when they're not standing directly next to you, please don't describe them with curse words. I understand that kind of friendship, just the other day at Nordstrom's my friend from second grade called me a bitch when I was teasing her in front of the salesperson, still she followed it with, "I've known her since elementary school" and it was an obvious joke.
5) You're too old for me: I'm not one to judge age differences in relationships. My parents are 10 years apart and have been married for thirty years (though they met in their 30s/40s), because of this I'm well aware of the challenges that come with a large age gap. It's nothing personal but if you are more than about eight years older than me, I'm not going to be interested. We have to absolutely click like no one I've ever met before and you have to look nothing like your age and still be able to think like a 20 something for me to think about being more than friends.
6) You're a 20 something but you act like a teenager: You constantly talk about comic books, X-men, and the latest video game release. I was once obsessed with Fable II for X-box but I did find time to talk about other things, especially when around people. Life is full of topics other than the latest Iron Man film to be released (The Avengers) and I should know Iron Man is one of my favorite movies. Regardless, I like to talk about other stuff. Here's a hint, ask me about myself, a subject that never tires me.
7) You're stingy: I know the economy is bad and I live in one of the most expensive cities in the nation, I still want you to pay for things. I'm not stingy with my friends, family, or people I date, you shouldn't be either. It's no way to live your life and certainly no way to treat a woman you want to date. I don't want you to be extravagant or go into debt but if you could put off buying the iPad so you have a little extra cash, that would be really nice and thoughtful. I understand more than anyone the hurdles of financial situations yet I still manage, you should too.
8) You smell: I have never quite understood this one, all the same, it tends to be an issue. Please, please, please do me a favor- wear clean clothes, shower three times a day if you have to, brush your teeth, put on deodorant and cologne, but don't be stinky. I know that men tend to have a harder time with smells but I can tell you one thing, women do not. So if this means you have to beg your best girlfriend to come over and sniff you before you go out, well, I guess that's what you have to do but don't go out of the house if you think you should shower or maybe shouldn't wear those jeans for the third time in a row. Buy Febreeze, do laundry (including your sheets, your room smells too), and take a shower, call me the next day.
9) You talked too much about your ex: The ex-files will eventually be opened, even so, I don't want to hear about them within the first months of knowing you unless I specifically ask, and even then, be vague. I don't want to know names and definitely not breast sizes. I especially dislike when men bad mouth the women they have dated. We have all had our share of horrible relationships, I try to make light of the situation and concentrate on the good parts. If you can't do this then maybe you should see a therapist or put off dating for a while but don't expect me to return your phone calls after you've verbally bashed another female for 20 minutes, even if she is Satan.
10) You're giving me a weird sexual vibe: You are either talking about sex too much, talking about your lack of sex, or talking about weird, general things that have to do with sex. Please don't type stuff like I can't wait to "cum" to your birthday party when you message me or talk to me on Facebook chat. Don't make everything into a sexual innuendo like saying, "you're purse is 'blow me'" instead of below me. It might have worked once, maybe it even worked a couple of times, but I can guarantee you that it won't work with this girl. I don't care how sensitive you are, if you're talking about the sensitivity of your penis, I'm going to avoid you at all costs.
There it is, ten reasons you can't seem to get me to go out with you and ten reasons I'm sure other women would agree with as well. And just for fun here's a bonus:
11) You think you're a nice guy but you're really not: You're constantly saying things, like: I'm a nice guy why can't I get a date? Well, chances are, you're not really a nice guy. You do nice things but secretly want something to come of it. You talk about how women have mistreated you and how horrible they are (and yes we all do bad things, women and men alike) but what you need to do is suck it up and get better at reading people or maybe even improve yourself. Chances are that if nine out of ten of the people you are attracted to treat you badly, you need to see the warning signs or learn more about yourself (write your own 10 reasons) . The old saying goes, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me and the reason is that even though there are many things we don't have control of, always ask yourself what you did have control of in those situations. I have met and even dated many men that can act really sweet but they are not nice guys. They know what to say, what to buy, and what to do but underneath it all is a person with issues. They are not horrible people, just conflicted, and a sensible woman will distance herself. So if you're listing the things you've bought for me or how many times you've taken me out, I'm headed the opposite direction. I want someone who counts their blessings (especially the blessing of spending time with me) not someone who counts who has done what and for how much.
1) You haven't actually asked me on a date yet: You friended me on Facebook, called me a couple of times "to chat," asked me to meet you for drinks, asked me out to a last minute movie, and invited me to Chinese food with your friends, but you haven't actually asked me on a date yet, which is why I have very politely declined. If you just want to be friends, all these things are extremely appropriate, but if you're actually trying to get somewhere with me, you're going to have to ask me out. I'm a lady, I dress up in skirts and dresses and wear makeup, I want to be taken out, I want you to pay, and I want you to ask me thoughtful questions so I can do what I love, talk about myself. So- don't invite me out last minute. I will be busy and I know you want to feel like "it was just last minute" and you weren't really turned down but you're a man and you should know you've got to put that ego on the line ten times to get one date. Also, don't tell me "to keep you in mind" because I won't and I won't be asking you out. I want a real one-on-one situation, whether it be a dinner, a picnic, a hike, or an outing somewhere, I need it to be thoughtful, about me, and I don't want to make any effort.
2) You said something inappropriate: I know men think about sex all the time. Women think about sex too, you don't have that market completely cornered, but somehow I'm able to control the words that come out of my mouth (something that happens to be difficult for me), especially when initially meeting someone. Therefore, if you hinted at sex, asked me to take a bath with you, or told me that you were going to stab me (and not with a knife) I'm not going to date you. This also goes for inappropriate comments and questions. Think of yourself as the media, post Janet Jackson costume failure, and give yourself a five second delay to think about what you are going to say. It even rhymes so you can remember: five second delay, think about what I say.
3) You touched me inappropriately: I sometimes have trouble with the personal space issue. Especially after cocktail number two, even so, I generally tend to stand too closely to people when I speak (a factor of having a Cuban father who has no issues with personal space invasion). Nevertheless, if you grab my ass, grope my leg, or graze my breast, you are out of the running. In addition, no is no. I don't care if you're just trying to put your arm around me. If I remove your arm, shift away, or tell you to stop, then you do just that, and make sure to apologize profusely for making me uncomfortable. You might think that you are God's gift to women but please do me a favor and keep your "gift" in your pants and your hands to yourself.
4) You cursed, a lot, or in a manner I found distasteful: I have been known to describe myself as a fair maiden with a foul mouth but I keep it under wraps around new people. I generally expect this from others. So if every other word in your vocabulary contains four letters and starts with s, f, or c, count me out. In addition, when describing people, even jokingly, especially when they're not standing directly next to you, please don't describe them with curse words. I understand that kind of friendship, just the other day at Nordstrom's my friend from second grade called me a bitch when I was teasing her in front of the salesperson, still she followed it with, "I've known her since elementary school" and it was an obvious joke.
5) You're too old for me: I'm not one to judge age differences in relationships. My parents are 10 years apart and have been married for thirty years (though they met in their 30s/40s), because of this I'm well aware of the challenges that come with a large age gap. It's nothing personal but if you are more than about eight years older than me, I'm not going to be interested. We have to absolutely click like no one I've ever met before and you have to look nothing like your age and still be able to think like a 20 something for me to think about being more than friends.
6) You're a 20 something but you act like a teenager: You constantly talk about comic books, X-men, and the latest video game release. I was once obsessed with Fable II for X-box but I did find time to talk about other things, especially when around people. Life is full of topics other than the latest Iron Man film to be released (The Avengers) and I should know Iron Man is one of my favorite movies. Regardless, I like to talk about other stuff. Here's a hint, ask me about myself, a subject that never tires me.
7) You're stingy: I know the economy is bad and I live in one of the most expensive cities in the nation, I still want you to pay for things. I'm not stingy with my friends, family, or people I date, you shouldn't be either. It's no way to live your life and certainly no way to treat a woman you want to date. I don't want you to be extravagant or go into debt but if you could put off buying the iPad so you have a little extra cash, that would be really nice and thoughtful. I understand more than anyone the hurdles of financial situations yet I still manage, you should too.
8) You smell: I have never quite understood this one, all the same, it tends to be an issue. Please, please, please do me a favor- wear clean clothes, shower three times a day if you have to, brush your teeth, put on deodorant and cologne, but don't be stinky. I know that men tend to have a harder time with smells but I can tell you one thing, women do not. So if this means you have to beg your best girlfriend to come over and sniff you before you go out, well, I guess that's what you have to do but don't go out of the house if you think you should shower or maybe shouldn't wear those jeans for the third time in a row. Buy Febreeze, do laundry (including your sheets, your room smells too), and take a shower, call me the next day.
9) You talked too much about your ex: The ex-files will eventually be opened, even so, I don't want to hear about them within the first months of knowing you unless I specifically ask, and even then, be vague. I don't want to know names and definitely not breast sizes. I especially dislike when men bad mouth the women they have dated. We have all had our share of horrible relationships, I try to make light of the situation and concentrate on the good parts. If you can't do this then maybe you should see a therapist or put off dating for a while but don't expect me to return your phone calls after you've verbally bashed another female for 20 minutes, even if she is Satan.
10) You're giving me a weird sexual vibe: You are either talking about sex too much, talking about your lack of sex, or talking about weird, general things that have to do with sex. Please don't type stuff like I can't wait to "cum" to your birthday party when you message me or talk to me on Facebook chat. Don't make everything into a sexual innuendo like saying, "you're purse is 'blow me'" instead of below me. It might have worked once, maybe it even worked a couple of times, but I can guarantee you that it won't work with this girl. I don't care how sensitive you are, if you're talking about the sensitivity of your penis, I'm going to avoid you at all costs.
There it is, ten reasons you can't seem to get me to go out with you and ten reasons I'm sure other women would agree with as well. And just for fun here's a bonus:
11) You think you're a nice guy but you're really not: You're constantly saying things, like: I'm a nice guy why can't I get a date? Well, chances are, you're not really a nice guy. You do nice things but secretly want something to come of it. You talk about how women have mistreated you and how horrible they are (and yes we all do bad things, women and men alike) but what you need to do is suck it up and get better at reading people or maybe even improve yourself. Chances are that if nine out of ten of the people you are attracted to treat you badly, you need to see the warning signs or learn more about yourself (write your own 10 reasons) . The old saying goes, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me and the reason is that even though there are many things we don't have control of, always ask yourself what you did have control of in those situations. I have met and even dated many men that can act really sweet but they are not nice guys. They know what to say, what to buy, and what to do but underneath it all is a person with issues. They are not horrible people, just conflicted, and a sensible woman will distance herself. So if you're listing the things you've bought for me or how many times you've taken me out, I'm headed the opposite direction. I want someone who counts their blessings (especially the blessing of spending time with me) not someone who counts who has done what and for how much.
*STANDING OVATION*
ReplyDeleteand once again, i agree 100%!!! gosh, i really should stop gushing and flooding your space with my comments, huh. yeah. sorry bout them all. :#