Being Single: My New and Improved Monogamous Relationship

If you hadn’t noticed, I talk about dating.  A lot.  Even though this is a subject many of us can relate to, the even better part about dating is- being single.  Being an “unattached” person is fairly new to me; nevertheless, I LOVE being single.  There are so many experiences (especially in your 20s) that I wouldn’t have had or be having if I was in a relationship.  For instance, I had no idea that I loved sleeping across the bed.  I also forgot what having a clean bathroom was like.  In addition, I know we are taught to share our whole lives, but do you have any idea how nice it is to not share?  Also, dancing on chairs, surrounded by friends and sake bombs, is very enjoyable.  I’m not saying that relationships are all that bad, especially when you find the right person, but being in your own world where it’s just you to please, is, well, sometimes the best.  I spent four years in a monogamous relationship, only to realize that being in a monogamous relationship with myself was the relationship I was really missing.  I truly understand the saying, “the heart wants what the heart wants,” because now when my heart wants something I don’t think twice or have to compromise with anyone. 

This also got me thinking not only about myself, but about other single ladies (no Beyonce pun intended).  People are, for the most part, waiting longer and longer to get married, as well as living on their own.  Women are now developing their careers first, before going down the path to the altar and seem to be better rounded, happier people.  Is being single and successful our modern twist on the idea of “happily ever after?”  Even though I’m not apposed to “settling down” eventually, the idea of being in my own place, going to work, and then coming home to an untouched environment doesn’t scare me, it kind of excites me.  I not only do not fear a life that doesn’t involve a man, but before I take that next step, want a life that doesn’t involve a man.  I’ve spent so much of my life already thinking about what he wants, how he’s feeling, what he’s thinking, and fighting with him over stupid little things, that I forgot what it’s like to just type on a computer and apply the overused, and slightly incorrect, Occam’s razor:  that being single is so much simpler at this point in my life and so much more pleasant as well.  I know that the right person is an addition to an already happy and amazing life and that’s why as women, we are so much happier when we have that full life and all the pieces of the puzzle in place.  Additionally, some of my friends have boyfriends and some are married, however, there is always an endless supply of women in my age group, wandering around with the same ideas in their heads, to be met at parties, at work, or even on a morning run.  So not only do I not feel alone, but I actually feel more connected.  I feel more connected to myself, my desires, and the people around me.

Moreover, being the #1 person on my mind helped me to become happier and helped me to realize so many more things.  In the book The Richest Man of Babylon, the author talks about how a person has to pay herself first, meaning that 10% of her earnings (every month) go into savings before anything is paid for or bought and that’s that.  This also applies to personal well being- 10% of my time should be spent on just me and no one else.  I had to spend a couple of months with nearly 100% on myself to achieve this realization.  Something that would not have happened if I wasn’t *drum roll* single.   Of course the right partner will always urge you to spend time on yourself, but if you happen to be me and end up in relationships with what seems to be narcissistic men, then yourself becomes all about the other person- no matter the case.  What all this has allowed me to do is envision what I do want for myself and in someone else, and what I don’t want, and go forth with my future into the unknown of the world of happier and healthier singledom.  Now if a man does something that bothers me that much, I just place him in the friend category, no drama needed- because I might adore you, I just don’t adore that you don’t open the door for me or the fact you only talk about Battlestar Galactica.  There’s no fear of losing anything because I’m not.  Because being single and in a new and improved relationship with myself means also being new and improved, inside and out.


The book I've suggested is an awesome addition to any woman's bookshelf.  Regena "Mama Gena" writes about some amazing tips for women at any stage in their lives.  She also teaches a class in New York.  I recommend reading her book and if you have the time and funds, taking her class.  Here's her website if you're interested in looking into it.